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Fr. N. Romero's avatar

Once a month is a typical recommendation for the average Catholic seeking to grow in their faith and looking to form a routine; but it is by no means a rule. Confess as often as reasonably necessary. When/if confession is not immediately available, make an "act of perfect contrition" (perfect contrition = sorrow for sin motivated by love of God) and ask for God's grace.

Two tidbits to keep in mind: "To compare is to despair." Don't measure yourself against other people. We should support each other on our journeys with the Lord, but should not get distracted by other people's situations. "Perfection is the enemy of the Good." Don't get discouraged by weaknesses and imperfections; those are the places God does the most work. None of us is going to be perfect until we see the pearly gates, so our mission is progress, not perfection.

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Rafael Marinho Normande's avatar

Hey Ray, this conflict between being faithful and scrupulous is very common. I think every catholic experienced it at some point or another.

I want to warn you and encourage you. First, beware with the "did I really had autonomy there?" question. Vices are still your responsibility and you're exercising your free will when you do it. Don't try to dialogue and find deeper layers for you to receive communion when in mortal sin, you should get this out of your head. At best it makes you scrupulous, at worst it makes you perform sacrilege with the Eucharist.

About the encouragement, I noticed you were pretty skeptical about people being in a state of grace every month. And I tell you, that's entirely possible. Just to give an example, I used to masturbate multiple times a day every day not that long ago and I also engaged in fornication. I had a really tough time stopping it. In 2025 I relapsed once, but apart from that the last time I needed confession was october/24.

I repeat, it's entirely possible and you can do it. Will be praying for you!

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