Have you signed up yet for RCIA/OCIA? That is the formal process by which adult converts such as yourself join the Catholic Church. You can talk to a local Catholic parish about the process.
Also, Ray, are you familiar with Eden Invitation? It is for members of the LGBTQ community who are committed to following the Catholic Church’s teachings and they come together in virtual and in-person small groups and they have retreats and stuff like that. It is fully in line with Catholic teaching and has the full support and blessing of Archbishop Bernard Hebda of the Archdiocese of Saint Paul and Minneapolis, which is the Archdiocese I live in. I’m not sure whether having AGP experiences falls under the umbrella of Eden Invitation, but I would definitely recommend looking into them. I know some of the people involved in this apostolate and they do great work https://www.edeninvitation.com/
I also highly recommend Bishop Robert Barron and his Word on Fire apostolate. Bishop Barron has some great videos on his YouTube channel and Word on Fire has some great books that they have published, as well as an excellent Word on Fire Institute of classes of various sorts.
Bishop Barron has a real gift for explaining and talking about Catholicism to younger people, especially younger men, like us without dumbing down anything, and his Sunday homilies are amazing!
Again, welcome home, brother! I look forward to getting to know you and becoming friends with you. And if you need anything, feel free to reach out. We’re one big family here in the Catholic Church, which means you’re my brother and I’ll support you in any way I can.
I’m a cradle Catholic, and I believe everything the Catholic Church teaches is true and that she is who she says she is, and I do my best to live the teachings of the Church.
I did contact a local priest about RCIA and I am planning on joining when it starts up again in September. I am very excited to start the official process!
I had not heard of Eden Invitation. I will definitely check it out, thank you 🙏
And yes, I am a big fan of Bishop Barron and have been enjoying his wonderful sermons on YouTube and Tik Tok. He is truly a gifted teacher.
I’m excited for you, brother! And know you have a friend and a spiritual brother in me. Feel free to direct message me on here anytime if you have prayer requests you’d like me to pray for or anything. Happy to support you in any way I can.
First, welcome home, brother! Michael B put me onto this, and it’s clear you’re discerning and trying to take the right steps.
Going to RCIA in September is an excellent idea. Now—what will you do in the meantime?
Here’s the reality:
You’re still in the danger zone, and if you don’t set a hard framework for yourself, you’re at great risk of slipping.
You’re clearly a thinker. That’s good—but right now, you can’t afford to think.
It’ll trap you in a loop. You need reps.
You already know the truth—now prove it to yourself with discipline.
I suggest the following:
1. Daily Mass – Non-Negotiable
Make it to as many Masses as possible. If you can’t get there in person, watch EWTN’s daily Mass—but don’t rely on that as a crutch. Your goal is to be physically present.
2. Adoration
Spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. It forces quiet, humility, and submission. That’s exactly what you need right now.
3. Spiritual Direction
Even though RCIA starts in September, use this time to connect with a priest or deacon. Start that relationship now. You need accountability.
4. The Rosary – Every. Single. Day.
No exceptions. This has to be part of your daily routine.
5. Male Accountability
You can’t do this alone. Get in with strong Catholic men—both online and in person. You need brothers who will check in on you, challenge you, and make sure you’re staying locked in.
Okay, so your battle plan.
You have a binge/purge tendency and an intellectual habit of hopping from ideology to ideology. This isn’t inherently bad—it just means you need hard structure and real discipline. I know how this goes from experience
The key thing to understand: This isn’t just another phase. You’re stepping into a war.
Replace any problematic behaviors with discipline and suffering:
Fasting – Sharpen your will.
Prayer – Lock in spiritual discipline.
Physical Training – Strength and clarity go hand in hand.
Rejecting Comforts – Cut the dopamine addiction.
Donating Your Time & Talent – Stewardship beats self-obsession.
Lent is the perfect time to double down on all of this. I’m dropping a structured framework on it this week that might be valuable to you.
Your physical and spiritual discipline will be inseparable.
If you commit to this, you will succeed—with God’s grace.
Right now, your goal isn’t just to “become Catholic.” It’s to be formed into a man who can lead, build, and steward.
Your testimony puts you in a unique position to do something meaningful. That’s a gift. And now’s the time to act on it.
Welcome home, again!
Now, fight like your soul depends on it—because it does.
Thank you brother 🙏 Your guidance is valuable and your insight that I am still at risk is astute. Since I began my discernment, I have been attending daily Mass and praying the Rosary daily. It is my intention, to the best of my abilities, to continue in these spiritual disciplines. The rest of your advice is sound, and I will do my best to follow it. Thank you and God Bless 🙏
Ultimately, please know, dude I am PROUD OF YOU. Mother Angelica said it best, this is not for wimps. You’re choosing hard and narrow. And for that you will have my support and my prayers.
Great advice from Emmanuel, and I especially want to reinforce and add to what Emmanuel says about male friendship and brotherhood. You are going to need solid Catholic male friends in your life who will have your back, especially when things get rough, and things eventually will get rough. You need to find your band of brothers.
Do you have any male Catholic friends in the area? If not, I’ll pray that God sends some intro your life, and maybe the priest at your local parish know some good Catholic guys around your age whom he could introduce you to.
I’ll be praying daily for you and I’m willing to support you in any way I can (you and me are about the same age, I’m 38), but in-person, offline friendship and fellowship with male Catholic friends is super important!
Thank you for this very moving reflection! I will be saving it to be able to share with others in similar boats. And welcome home!! I came into the Church two years ago and it was the best decision I ever made.
One small addendum is that the purpose of sex on the Catholic paradigm is not SOLELY procreative but ALSO unitive. Part of the current pushback against IVF is that where contraception tries to keep only the unitive aspect, IVF tries to separate out the procreative aspect, which is also disordered.
Thank you again for sharing and looking forward to seeing more of your writing!
Welcome home! One of the great graces of the Catholic Church is the sacraments that strengthen us to do the impossible. God doesn’t leave us as orphans to struggle alone, instead he gives us the sacraments and walks alongside us. To deal with unchastity in my own life I began going to confession every week. Slowly the grace built and temptation retreated to a manageable level. I’m still tempted at times and I still struggle, but I struggle as a free man. I’m no longer a slave ruled by my sin instead I’m just a broken man who makes mistakes.
I've just sat in a coffee shop in Wellington NZ and read this surrounded by the most extreme versions of gender ideology you can imagine which is the ultimate irony. The coffee is great but the humanity surrounding me is disordered to say the least. They can't possibly all be sinful people with dark hearts and lives. The question remains though how can this life choice be represented so heavily in one small cafe at the bottom of the world??
Your article on why you choose Catholicism as a mature adult is fascinating. It gives me hope that the Church, who has also seriously transgressed I must add,, still has something to offer you. It is true that it is a lot to do with the art and magesty of Catholic Churches and the Catholic Mass that brings you in touch with spirituality far removed from the stuff of my cafe. I don't know if I make any sense but you certainly manage to resonate with me and articulate the intangible. You've made me think more about the Catholic Church in one morning than I have in probably 30 years. I believe everyone is on this earth for a special purpose that is chosen before birth by God and this is yours as challenging as it is.💖
Welcome home & make yourself comfortable among the bigots 😆. I identify in my own way with your process of conversion. My reversion was not as intellectual as yours; I tried to understand, tried to believe what many among my family & friends believed - I failed to make sense of it. I could only be a fake, a strawman to live my life as many do. Catholic simplicity & clarity opens my eyes to the glory above, even if I remain a wretched failure down here in this life.
My only advice: faith is a marathon, not a sprint. Many folks today are zealous to run the race quickly. But others have to go slow. They say life is short but for some, life is very long. And we probably all fail often. Be patient with your weaknesses and trust God.
Thank you for your insightful words. It's really helpful to me to hear a testimony like this and I appreciate the approach of intellectual integrity.
Of course you are right in a sense that sexual morality is nearly "impossible" on the human level. The awesome truth of our faith is that we depend on grace, not our own abilities. At the end of our lives, we won't be judged merely on if we behaved enough, but on our faith and real relationship with our Creator.
I've been really inspired by the writers at Spiritual Friendship ( https://spiritualfriendship.org/2012/08/29/spiritual-friendship-in-300-words/ ), you might find them interesting too. While I'm straight and married and the writers there are generally side-B same sex attracted, I deeply connected with their thoughts on community, friendship, isolation, and living the Christian life closely with other people.
Reading their work inspired us to be open to housemates, and when two different people in our lives at different times, needed a place to stay for a few months, we said, stay with us! They also helped inspire us to host open invite dinners in our home, where we encourage our friends to bring their friends and people they just met. We've been hosting for over eight years, this past week we had thirty adults and ten kids at dinner (can our small house fit that many people? No, but the Holy Spirit makes it work somehow every time.)
I've sinned gravely and blown shrapnel into people I love. Of my two groups of friends, only my Catholic friends told me, "this is wrong, you have to stop" and backed that up with love and support through a really difficult season. My "supportive" kinky friends couldn't give me the "this is bad" that I needed to heal.
I'll say a prayer for you today, that you find Catholic community and friendship that helps you stay close to Jesus and come back over and over again when you fall. Friendship like that changed my life.
I really enjoyed reading this...I particularly liked how you point out that the Church does not single out gay people...She tells *everyone* to be better!
This was fascinating, thank you for sharing your experience. I haven’t really known someone openly struggling with AGP before, so I learned a lot from reading this.
One small point of clarification is that in the Catholic ideal, the purpose of sex within marriage is both procreative AND *unitive*. This is why it’s ok for older couples to continue to make love after they are no longer fertile, if they want to. The bonding and mutual self-giving is important as well.
Alex how about plugging into Hallow, the Catholic prayer app? Some fantastic Lenten prayers, sermons and stories ahead for the season. Btw, I rose out of Evangelicalism so I resonate so much w your insights about it. I came into the Catholic Church on Nov 4, 2022. I'm really gonna pray for you regularly.
Well...I *am* a Catholic but feel like I'm out on the margins somewhat. I accept the Pope and the teachings of the Faith and all that, but I can't be a Serious Catholic like some (going to daily Mass and Adoration and all the Rosaries and Confession every other week). I tried that and was a total jerk. I had to spend some time in the Greek Orthodox church and then returned because a Pope is necessary.
One more thing...I'm male but due to some issue with excess estrogen not very *masculine*. Not sure if it's all that desirable to fix either, unless I want to date again as 9 years after being divorced (see above) we finally are doing the annulment process...honestly I was pretty convinced it was valid but after some revelation from my ex I don't see how it could be. Still sucks as she has everything.
From my own non-practicing but congenitally Catholic perspective, I see a heavy conceptual overlap between the LGBT and the type of person who used to become a priest/monk/nun in more religiously conservative societies, in that they both involve a rejection of living “cisheteronormativitely.” In Catholicism, becoming a priest meant setting aside the thought of marrying a woman and having children - well, what type of man is that going to disproportionately appeal to? I can think of at least two. 😉
Have you signed up yet for RCIA/OCIA? That is the formal process by which adult converts such as yourself join the Catholic Church. You can talk to a local Catholic parish about the process.
Also, Ray, are you familiar with Eden Invitation? It is for members of the LGBTQ community who are committed to following the Catholic Church’s teachings and they come together in virtual and in-person small groups and they have retreats and stuff like that. It is fully in line with Catholic teaching and has the full support and blessing of Archbishop Bernard Hebda of the Archdiocese of Saint Paul and Minneapolis, which is the Archdiocese I live in. I’m not sure whether having AGP experiences falls under the umbrella of Eden Invitation, but I would definitely recommend looking into them. I know some of the people involved in this apostolate and they do great work https://www.edeninvitation.com/
I also highly recommend Bishop Robert Barron and his Word on Fire apostolate. Bishop Barron has some great videos on his YouTube channel and Word on Fire has some great books that they have published, as well as an excellent Word on Fire Institute of classes of various sorts.
Bishop Barron has a real gift for explaining and talking about Catholicism to younger people, especially younger men, like us without dumbing down anything, and his Sunday homilies are amazing!
Bishop Barron’s YouTube channel: https://m.youtube.com/@BishopBarron
Word on Fire!
https://www.wordonfire.org/
Again, welcome home, brother! I look forward to getting to know you and becoming friends with you. And if you need anything, feel free to reach out. We’re one big family here in the Catholic Church, which means you’re my brother and I’ll support you in any way I can.
I’m a cradle Catholic, and I believe everything the Catholic Church teaches is true and that she is who she says she is, and I do my best to live the teachings of the Church.
I did contact a local priest about RCIA and I am planning on joining when it starts up again in September. I am very excited to start the official process!
I had not heard of Eden Invitation. I will definitely check it out, thank you 🙏
And yes, I am a big fan of Bishop Barron and have been enjoying his wonderful sermons on YouTube and Tik Tok. He is truly a gifted teacher.
Awesome! 🙂
I’m excited for you, brother! And know you have a friend and a spiritual brother in me. Feel free to direct message me on here anytime if you have prayer requests you’d like me to pray for or anything. Happy to support you in any way I can.
First, welcome home, brother! Michael B put me onto this, and it’s clear you’re discerning and trying to take the right steps.
Going to RCIA in September is an excellent idea. Now—what will you do in the meantime?
Here’s the reality:
You’re still in the danger zone, and if you don’t set a hard framework for yourself, you’re at great risk of slipping.
You’re clearly a thinker. That’s good—but right now, you can’t afford to think.
It’ll trap you in a loop. You need reps.
You already know the truth—now prove it to yourself with discipline.
I suggest the following:
1. Daily Mass – Non-Negotiable
Make it to as many Masses as possible. If you can’t get there in person, watch EWTN’s daily Mass—but don’t rely on that as a crutch. Your goal is to be physically present.
2. Adoration
Spend time in front of the Blessed Sacrament. It forces quiet, humility, and submission. That’s exactly what you need right now.
3. Spiritual Direction
Even though RCIA starts in September, use this time to connect with a priest or deacon. Start that relationship now. You need accountability.
4. The Rosary – Every. Single. Day.
No exceptions. This has to be part of your daily routine.
5. Male Accountability
You can’t do this alone. Get in with strong Catholic men—both online and in person. You need brothers who will check in on you, challenge you, and make sure you’re staying locked in.
Okay, so your battle plan.
You have a binge/purge tendency and an intellectual habit of hopping from ideology to ideology. This isn’t inherently bad—it just means you need hard structure and real discipline. I know how this goes from experience
The key thing to understand: This isn’t just another phase. You’re stepping into a war.
Replace any problematic behaviors with discipline and suffering:
Fasting – Sharpen your will.
Prayer – Lock in spiritual discipline.
Physical Training – Strength and clarity go hand in hand.
Rejecting Comforts – Cut the dopamine addiction.
Donating Your Time & Talent – Stewardship beats self-obsession.
Lent is the perfect time to double down on all of this. I’m dropping a structured framework on it this week that might be valuable to you.
Your physical and spiritual discipline will be inseparable.
If you commit to this, you will succeed—with God’s grace.
Right now, your goal isn’t just to “become Catholic.” It’s to be formed into a man who can lead, build, and steward.
Your testimony puts you in a unique position to do something meaningful. That’s a gift. And now’s the time to act on it.
Welcome home, again!
Now, fight like your soul depends on it—because it does.
Thank you brother 🙏 Your guidance is valuable and your insight that I am still at risk is astute. Since I began my discernment, I have been attending daily Mass and praying the Rosary daily. It is my intention, to the best of my abilities, to continue in these spiritual disciplines. The rest of your advice is sound, and I will do my best to follow it. Thank you and God Bless 🙏
I’m glad you’re taking the steps.
Ultimately, please know, dude I am PROUD OF YOU. Mother Angelica said it best, this is not for wimps. You’re choosing hard and narrow. And for that you will have my support and my prayers.
Great advice from Emmanuel, and I especially want to reinforce and add to what Emmanuel says about male friendship and brotherhood. You are going to need solid Catholic male friends in your life who will have your back, especially when things get rough, and things eventually will get rough. You need to find your band of brothers.
Do you have any male Catholic friends in the area? If not, I’ll pray that God sends some intro your life, and maybe the priest at your local parish know some good Catholic guys around your age whom he could introduce you to.
I’ll be praying daily for you and I’m willing to support you in any way I can (you and me are about the same age, I’m 38), but in-person, offline friendship and fellowship with male Catholic friends is super important!
Thank you for this very moving reflection! I will be saving it to be able to share with others in similar boats. And welcome home!! I came into the Church two years ago and it was the best decision I ever made.
One small addendum is that the purpose of sex on the Catholic paradigm is not SOLELY procreative but ALSO unitive. Part of the current pushback against IVF is that where contraception tries to keep only the unitive aspect, IVF tries to separate out the procreative aspect, which is also disordered.
Thank you again for sharing and looking forward to seeing more of your writing!
Edit: fixed a typo
Appreciate the nuanced clarification 🙏
Welcome home! One of the great graces of the Catholic Church is the sacraments that strengthen us to do the impossible. God doesn’t leave us as orphans to struggle alone, instead he gives us the sacraments and walks alongside us. To deal with unchastity in my own life I began going to confession every week. Slowly the grace built and temptation retreated to a manageable level. I’m still tempted at times and I still struggle, but I struggle as a free man. I’m no longer a slave ruled by my sin instead I’m just a broken man who makes mistakes.
>>>One of the great graces of the Catholic Church is the sacraments that strengthen us to do the impossible.
Amen🙏
I've just sat in a coffee shop in Wellington NZ and read this surrounded by the most extreme versions of gender ideology you can imagine which is the ultimate irony. The coffee is great but the humanity surrounding me is disordered to say the least. They can't possibly all be sinful people with dark hearts and lives. The question remains though how can this life choice be represented so heavily in one small cafe at the bottom of the world??
Your article on why you choose Catholicism as a mature adult is fascinating. It gives me hope that the Church, who has also seriously transgressed I must add,, still has something to offer you. It is true that it is a lot to do with the art and magesty of Catholic Churches and the Catholic Mass that brings you in touch with spirituality far removed from the stuff of my cafe. I don't know if I make any sense but you certainly manage to resonate with me and articulate the intangible. You've made me think more about the Catholic Church in one morning than I have in probably 30 years. I believe everyone is on this earth for a special purpose that is chosen before birth by God and this is yours as challenging as it is.💖
This comment warms my heart and soul. God bless you ❤️🙏❤️
Welcome home & make yourself comfortable among the bigots 😆. I identify in my own way with your process of conversion. My reversion was not as intellectual as yours; I tried to understand, tried to believe what many among my family & friends believed - I failed to make sense of it. I could only be a fake, a strawman to live my life as many do. Catholic simplicity & clarity opens my eyes to the glory above, even if I remain a wretched failure down here in this life.
My only advice: faith is a marathon, not a sprint. Many folks today are zealous to run the race quickly. But others have to go slow. They say life is short but for some, life is very long. And we probably all fail often. Be patient with your weaknesses and trust God.
Wise words, my friend. God Bless🙏
Thank you for your insightful words. It's really helpful to me to hear a testimony like this and I appreciate the approach of intellectual integrity.
Of course you are right in a sense that sexual morality is nearly "impossible" on the human level. The awesome truth of our faith is that we depend on grace, not our own abilities. At the end of our lives, we won't be judged merely on if we behaved enough, but on our faith and real relationship with our Creator.
Thank you Fr and well said 🙏❤️🙏
Welcome home.
I've been really inspired by the writers at Spiritual Friendship ( https://spiritualfriendship.org/2012/08/29/spiritual-friendship-in-300-words/ ), you might find them interesting too. While I'm straight and married and the writers there are generally side-B same sex attracted, I deeply connected with their thoughts on community, friendship, isolation, and living the Christian life closely with other people.
Reading their work inspired us to be open to housemates, and when two different people in our lives at different times, needed a place to stay for a few months, we said, stay with us! They also helped inspire us to host open invite dinners in our home, where we encourage our friends to bring their friends and people they just met. We've been hosting for over eight years, this past week we had thirty adults and ten kids at dinner (can our small house fit that many people? No, but the Holy Spirit makes it work somehow every time.)
I've sinned gravely and blown shrapnel into people I love. Of my two groups of friends, only my Catholic friends told me, "this is wrong, you have to stop" and backed that up with love and support through a really difficult season. My "supportive" kinky friends couldn't give me the "this is bad" that I needed to heal.
I'll say a prayer for you today, that you find Catholic community and friendship that helps you stay close to Jesus and come back over and over again when you fall. Friendship like that changed my life.
I really enjoyed reading this...I particularly liked how you point out that the Church does not single out gay people...She tells *everyone* to be better!
Welcome home. ❤️
This was fascinating, thank you for sharing your experience. I haven’t really known someone openly struggling with AGP before, so I learned a lot from reading this.
One small point of clarification is that in the Catholic ideal, the purpose of sex within marriage is both procreative AND *unitive*. This is why it’s ok for older couples to continue to make love after they are no longer fertile, if they want to. The bonding and mutual self-giving is important as well.
Welcome home! God bless your journey. ❤️
Thank you for sharing your testimony. Praying for you, brother ❤️🔥🙏
Thank you brother 🙏❤️🙏
Your intellectual honesty is truly commendable. God bless.
🙏
Alex how about plugging into Hallow, the Catholic prayer app? Some fantastic Lenten prayers, sermons and stories ahead for the season. Btw, I rose out of Evangelicalism so I resonate so much w your insights about it. I came into the Catholic Church on Nov 4, 2022. I'm really gonna pray for you regularly.
I actually already downloaded the Hallow app but I haven’t really had a chance to explore it yet. You have encouraged me to use it though 🙏
Glad you're getting into OCIA.
Well...I *am* a Catholic but feel like I'm out on the margins somewhat. I accept the Pope and the teachings of the Faith and all that, but I can't be a Serious Catholic like some (going to daily Mass and Adoration and all the Rosaries and Confession every other week). I tried that and was a total jerk. I had to spend some time in the Greek Orthodox church and then returned because a Pope is necessary.
One more thing...I'm male but due to some issue with excess estrogen not very *masculine*. Not sure if it's all that desirable to fix either, unless I want to date again as 9 years after being divorced (see above) we finally are doing the annulment process...honestly I was pretty convinced it was valid but after some revelation from my ex I don't see how it could be. Still sucks as she has everything.
I’m happy for you, and wish you well.
From my own non-practicing but congenitally Catholic perspective, I see a heavy conceptual overlap between the LGBT and the type of person who used to become a priest/monk/nun in more religiously conservative societies, in that they both involve a rejection of living “cisheteronormativitely.” In Catholicism, becoming a priest meant setting aside the thought of marrying a woman and having children - well, what type of man is that going to disproportionately appeal to? I can think of at least two. 😉