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Matthew Herman Hudson's avatar

Recognizing misplaced motivations is a tough one. While I do not share your particular struggles, I had a rude awakening about relationship patterns in my life several years ago. My encouragement to you is to give all these things time, and be careful not to overly spiritualize sudden insights. (I think there is real spiritual merit to your insight, but hyperfocusing on spiritualizing our experiences can be a temptation unto itself.) The transformative work of healing and repentance usually happens quietly and slowly.

I appreciate you sharing your experiences here. Reading about your struggles has broadened my empathy for those who are trying to follow Christ while wrestling with subjects that are so hard to talk about. Much love from an Orthodox who wishes you peace, blessings, and communion with the Lord. ☦️

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Heather Walsh's avatar

What you are seeking with a woman is very normal human connection and your own family which is a very normal expectation. I fail to see why AGP has to punish you for the rest of your life in order to manage that psycho pathology within the Catholic Church. I believe you need to look deeply into The Virgin Mary and try to find some balance in all this. I also think that you need some psycho therapy alongside Catholicism to help you manage the emotions associated with your past relationship with AGP rather than total avoidance of woman. I very much get the vibe that both AGP and Catholicism are currently overwhelming you. You need to calibrate this if you will and find some balance so you don't spend the rest of your life punishing yourself to adhere to Catholic doctrine, and missing out on the things that give life depth and meaning like a wife and children. I am Catholic and I don't feel myself confined within the walls of a concrete doctrine. It is a faith and support in life that should quietly but steadfastly guide and walk alongside your life choices. I don't believe it should punish, generate guilt and imprison your conscience like the thought police. I hope you can find balance in your quest for the Catholic way of living life.

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